I always been grateful for small things. Being alive. Or not always. But since 13 y after I lost everything. I got hospilazed and 10 years of trauma, all those years every single morning just being alive or watching the sunset, breathing, getting a morning text was like everything for me. I never wanted to sleep because I wanted to do so much stuff and was scared if everything would be taken away from me again next morning. I would wake up again in the nightmare I went through.
I was depressed for so many years and I compared myself to everyone. I was sick at home and I could not do anything. I got burned out and my brain stopped working, my body said stop from moving out of the house. I was overwhealmed and everyone kept on asking, why do you not just take your shit together and go work?
I was a master at faking as a teenager.
I was born to never complain.
“Show them how strong you are, never let them see you shed tears”
”Get up, don’t cry, slap yourself in the face and continue the game”
”Don’t be like the other girls that cry on the football field”
It took me 15 years to start hugging people.
It took me 20 years to be able to cry.
Ok well maybe I did cry as a baby, alot probably. But then I was teached it was wrong, it was weak.
I am happy I got wise from the brainwash, I know being vulnerable and weak is not weak it is strength. But I still find it very hard, I rarely cry. Never actually. But I can, and I let myself be sensitive on the right moments. Nowadays I love being near amd touch a human body, be honest, be open, be truthful with people what I felt was very unnatural and immature as a kid.
I like the book ”The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne
Because they talk or write about all the things I learned while I was depressed.
To find the magical moments in life.
To be grateful of every moment.
Because actually, the moment you stop complaining and start being grateful of what you do have instead of what you do not have, you start to earn and get and achieve more and more.
Opposite, if you focus on every bad thing that is happening in your life, you will just get more and more tragedy.
So what do you choose?
Positivity.
Good vibes.
Of course.
Happiness is a choice mostly.
Lets choose to be happy, vulnerable, strong, open and not fake it, we only lose by doing that.