This is a message to everyone struggling with an Eating Disorder or depression.
My road to where I am today has not been the easiest or quickest one. I struggled several of years before I will even got one little step forward.
When I was 14, I got anorexia and needed to escape from the hospital with the police and after me (they were even going to take my sister when they came home searching after me) to Sweden to a ED clinic to get the right help for me, I was so underweight and my pulse so low I could have died anytime, so me and my parents had no choice.
A few years later when I finally got well, or actually not that long after.. I got trauma from the hospital treatment and fell deep down in depression. I needed to leave high school because I was so bad position. I tried 4 times suicide, it was not until the last time I had my ”wake up call” and decided I wanted to change my life because I never wanted to feel like that again.
I started lifting weights and I was really happy for the first time ever. But as always, nothing goes like a movie.
The third struggle took over me.
I started overeating. It was some kind of escape for me from the outside of world. And on the model trips we never had time to eat. Most of the girls throw up their food. I had promied myself to never do that. But it just happened. And again, again until I got my second ED, a combination of BED and Bulimia. I never wanted to get skinny, lose weight, or be in the same place again as a 14 year girl, but after a binge eating, it was unpossible to keep everything inside. (Imagine how you would feel after going through the dinner buffet 5 times, in the end you can barely breath becaue you are so full of food)
This makes me sick to even think of when other people struggle to even get any food and would do anything to get the food, I was binge eating on.
It was a hard way up from that, in the end my brain really needed that dopamine and I could not be a single day without it.
My second wake up call.
I have never told anyone this, but I hope somehow anyone having same problems could understand how dangerous this illness is and understand to search for help before it is too late.
My second wake up call was when I got a DISH BRUSH stuck in my throat.
Yea, seriously it is true. Dont ask me how it happened. It was probably one of the most horrible things Ive felt. I could seriously feel myself dying any minute. My breath was slowly ending, thank god my parents were home and drowe me directly to the hospital (30 minutes away) super carefully because if it would have been a single little ”bump” on the road, I would have not made it.
This was the last time I ever wanted to hurt myself again. This was the 6th time I was saved and I started understand the short time we have in life. Being grateful every single day, just to be healthy and LIVING.
I hope this could give someone a message out there to understand our short life and if you are struggling with any illness, dare to ask for help before it goes too far. Everyone does not get a second chance. Or a 6th, like I did. đź’—
